How much time do humans actually need to spend together in person to avoid feeling chronically lonely?
If you were coming to our house for pizza tonight (last count, 25 people), I’d likely ask you at some point how your week has been.
The most common answer is, unsurprisingly, “busy.” Lately, though, it feels like less of a badge of hustle or self-importance, and more like deep tiredness or a feeling of never quite being on top of everything.
I was fortunate to have the same midwife care for me through all four of my pregnancies and births. Before her home visits, I often felt stressed, exhausted, anxious, sad, and overwhelmed. Yet without fail, I felt much better after she left. She listened, normalized my concerns without dismissing them, and always found something to make me laugh, even though it never seemed like she was trying to. Her visits were a lifeline and a way to feel a little less lonely in early motherhood.
I feel exactly the same after our Friday pizza nights. Whatever kind of week it’s been, it never feels as heavy after. There is laughter, storytelling, problem-sharing, and a reminder of how much we need each other. I shared something awful that had happened last week to someone and people from that pizza night have checked in during the week to see how they’re doing (better, good, and I’m glad how the situation was handled).
It got me wondering as I was driving the other day, how much time do humans actually need to spend together in person to avoid feeling chronically lonely?
I had a look at some research and… it’s a lot: ideally, we need at least 9 hours of in-person social time per week (outside of work or our household) to stave off loneliness. Seven hours is the bare minimum to significantly reduce it.
In-person social connections are in sharp decline, to the point where loneliness is now considered a health epidemic.
The irony is how people are trying to solve this. On an AI podcast I listened to this week, the host placed solving loneliness as their top idea for tech startups. It feels so backward.
Technology and AI inherently reduce real human connection and trading real life for screen life only makes loneliness worse, according to the research. For example, research shows that college students who spend 16+ hours a week on social media are also 39% more likely to be severely lonely.
We all know how loneliness feels, and it makes sense that it’s the precursor to so many problems for our physical and mental health.
But how often do we look at our upcoming week and schedule 9 hours of social time? I’m glad for the three hours that pizza night counts towards mine. That’s a third of my prescribed medicine right there.
How about you?
