When you can’t eat together

This past week every. single. one. of the six of us has had a sore-throat-fevery-congestion-exhaustion-virus. We have two kids off school still, and thankful for a long (King’s + Teacher-only-day) weekend for everyone to recover.

A friend shared an Instagram post last night that said:

Never say ‘let me know if you need anything’ to someone struggling. You’ve now made it comfortable for you and more of an obligation to them… you’ve burdened the favor. Of course they don’t want to burden you… they don’t even want to exist in these moments, they don’t know how to ask for help. Instead, here’s what to do when someone is struggling…you do the thing. Whatever you thought about doing, do it. If you thought about bringing them food… just do it.

One of my favorite thinkers in this space is Kate Bowler. She has written books about all the things not to say to people who are suffering. It naturally includes this phrase too: “Let me know if you need anything,” and “At least it’s not…”

I have found both of these to be so painfully true. If you can’t eat together, dropping a meal off can be the next best thing.

I remember not long after Theo was first diagnosed with cancer, a woman we knew (but not well) drove up, knocked on the door, and called out, “Left you some meals on your doorstep!” and then drove off.

She knows how to love well with food. No questions, decision-making, or awkward acceptance of needing help on my part, she just did the thing.

Over the years, we were able to drop our homemade pizzas off to friends who were sick with covid, the flu, and chickenpox. We got a stack of cardboard pizza boxes, and everyone took turns to write a get-well message on the box before it was sent.

Whether we’re eating together around the dining table or dropping a box in the dark, eating together is better.